Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I’ve been trying to extricate myself from various legal entanglements that have occurred over the past few months. For instance, the night before I went to Iceland, I crashed my truck into two poor, unsuspecting Indian men. No one was hurt and the police officer assured me that if I went to court to dispute the charge of improper lane change my $220.00 fine would be significantly reduced. No such luck. I did however get to watch a very small man (somewhere between a midget and a mongoloid) sitting in the row ahead of me in the court room thoroughly clean out his left ear for about three hours. I should have brought a book, but who needs books when you’ve got a good ear-cleaning session to watch? On the bright side, one of the Indian guys called to ask me out on a date about a month after the accident and now I have a new friend who is acutely aware of the fact that the less I drive, the safer the world is.
This weekend some family and friends went to Wilmington, N.C. to visit my grandmother and spend a couple of days on the beach. The Atlantic is an unruly bitch with waters as cold as ice, but I love her. We spent hours flinging ourselves into the waves and taking naps on the beach. Everyone on the trip was reading some sort of vampire book, and it made me think of a great idea for a series someone should write about vampire lifeguards.
More legal troubles ensued on this trip, but I’ll wait to fill you in on those until that court date has come and gone, or until I’ve learned to memorize the alphabet backwards and stop acting so belligerent in public.
