Category Archives: Uncategorized
San Francisco, Part I
I spent last weekend in San Francisco. Friday started with a presentation for work where I learned that a combination of 5mgs of Valium, 15 drops of Rescue Remedy, and a handful of potassium pills make it seem like I … Continue reading
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A stripper farted in my face on Friday.
God, I love that title. The fact that it’s true makes it that much sweeter. I can’t wait to say to someone, “Remember the time that stripper farted in my face?” But since I’m still trying to process the hilarity … Continue reading
Learning to cook
Look everyone. I made lasagna for dinner and it didn’t suck and it actually looks like it is supposed to: I made the sauce for it in a drunken stupor the night before baking it all together, which means it … Continue reading
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You’re all just a bunch of animals
The boyfriend’s mom was in town this weekend and Saturday we took her to a St. Patty’s Day parade on Magazine St. Things that happened, in no particular order: We ate an amazing home-made corn beef stew, I was accused … Continue reading
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Who Dat!
Just in case you didn’t know, the Saints won the superbowl on Sunday. Yet another reason, why my move here has been nothing short of wonderful. I got to witness the entire town go absolutely crazy and I’ll never forget … Continue reading
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If Dogs Could Speak
Me: I wish Henry (Brother J’s min-pin) could write my report for me so we could go get a drink. Brother J: Yeah, cause that would go over really well. A page full of the words FOOD, FOOD, TREAT, TREAT, … Continue reading
Road trip
Brother J, Sam, and I took a road trip to Crystal River, Florida this weekend and swam with the manatee. We kayaked to Three Sisters Spring and were immediately surrounded by these large sea cows. While this was my favorite moment of the trip, … Continue reading
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Why I carry a knife
I was walking to the mall to meet my dad for lunch yesterday when I was accosted by what Woody Allen would look like if he were really fat and kind of cross-eyed. I have a reputation for being hit … Continue reading
Raping Christmas presents one year at a time
My dad has been in a cleaning frenzy lately and keeps finding old childhood things of mine and calling me up to ask if I want them. For instance, last week he found this old mailbox I used to keep … Continue reading
Dear Santa
Dear Santa, Why do you hate me? Did you get my Christmas list mixed up with someone else’s? I believe I very clearly stated that I wanted a puppy and a holiday threesome with Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, preferably … Continue reading
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