Some people like to go to church on Sundays.  I prefer JeJu Korean Sauna for my religious experience.

As one friend put it, JeJu is where she hopes to end up when she dies.  It has everything you could ever want: a sauna, massage rooms, a restaurant, Olympic size swimming pool, gym, smoking room– because who doesn’t want to smoke after they finish up their run on the treadmill? I sure as hell do.

For anyone not familiar with the procedure at JeJu, I made a list since your first visit can be a little intimidating. If you are not interested in having the most relaxing experience of your life- stop reading.

1.  Walk in and pay a $25.00 entrance fee.  This gets you a uniform to wear in the communal areas, a toothbrush, and an arm bracelet that has a key and a digital chip thingy.

2.  If you are a woman, walk to the left.  If you are a man, walk to the right.  Enter the door and put your shoes in the locker that corresponds with the number on your bracelet.

3.  Go the locker area and get naked.  Completely naked.  If you don’t, Korean women will scream at you “GET NAKED LADY!”

4.  Go to the shower area and take a shower.  There is a sign by the shower that says “Save water. Shower with a friend.” Your preference.  Personally, I like to fly solo.

5.  Choose from three pools to get in.  The one on the left is extremely cold.  The middle one is hot.  The one on the right is very hot.  There is also a steam room and sauna.  My favorite thing to do is get in the steam room, put a cold towel over my face, and pretend that I have died and gone to heaven.

6.  In this area, you will also see a body exfoliating/massage area.  I like to get the body scrub (It costs $40.00 which they charge to your digital chip).  Your skin feels awesome afterwards, it does not hurt at all, and they wash your hair for you at the end of it.  My only warning is that they do get unbelievably close to your hoo-ha and they just straight up scrub your ta-tas.  I am very ticklish, so I just cover my face with a towel so they can’t see me laughing.

7.  Once you are done with this area, put your uniform on and go out the door to the communal area.  In this area, you can get a traditional massage.  Just look for the doors that say massage on them.  I have been told by several people that this is the best massage they have ever gotten. I concur.  You can always tell who has gotten one because they come out looking like a zombie with their hair sticking straight up.

8.  At this point, you can decide to eat (you also pay for the food with your bracelet), or enter one of the 7 or 8 hut-like rooms of varying heat and healing properties.  There are signs posted everywhere to help you choose between the rooms.

9.  Whenever you are done, go back to the locker area, put your clothes on, grab your shoes, exit and pay.

The greatest thing about JeJu? It’s open 24 hours a day! Ta-ta and hoo-ha scrubbing 24 hours a day! There really is a god.

ps.  As usual, J had some comments he wanted to add from the male perspective:  If you come really late at night its waaaay better in my opinion but be ready for a throng of Asians sleeping everywhere. Get a massage in the co-ed part unless you want a guy to hose you down.