At dinner with dad and Brother J:

Dad: I mean, you and I are good looking, don’t get me wrong.  But your brother, he has celebrity star looks.  He should have been in the movies.

Me: What are you trying to say, Dad?

Dad: You know, just that you and I have had to attract people to us with our minds and our looks.  But your brother can rely on looks alone.

Me: I’ll have you know that plenty of people have wanted me for my looks alone!!!

Me: Brother J, can you believe dad just said that to me! Dad I can’t believe you just said that.

Brother J: Would you lie to your child if she was short and tell her she was tall? He’s just telling it like it is.  Now, try not to look at me too much.  My dazzling profile might blind you.

Welcome to my family.  Where you better have a seriously thick skin and super high self-esteem to just make it through a dinner.  Or lots and lots of alcohol.