I got contacts this weekend. For those of you who don’t know, I’m blind. For example, I’ve been caught more than once pointing out a hot guy to a friend, only to be told that my “next boyfriend” has a vagina. Oops. I’ve had glasses since the 4th grade but have stubbornly refused to wear them except in case of an emergency- like late night driving or that time I took a shotgun lesson with Brother J and thought that being able to see just this once was probably a good idea.
So thanks to contacts, I can see again. Wow. The first thing I noticed was a hair growing out of the side of my face. If this is what seeing is all about, I’m not so sure. Then, I spent an entire drive to Destin, Florida high on the colors of life and providing the Southerner with a running commentary about everything around me.
Southerner: Can you see that battleship in the water over there?
Me: Of course I can, what do you think I’m blind or something? It’s huge.
Southerner: I tried to point it out to you the last time we drove over this bridge and you were like, “What battleship? I don’t see anything.”
Me: Oh. Just imagine everything I’ve been missing out on all of these years!
Southerner: THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU FOR THE PAST YEAR.
Me: Did you know you have a booger in your left nostril and your fly is unzipped?
Ahh, the elucidating power of sight.