I spent half the night googling “how to smell like a stripper.”  Don’t ask me why but for some reason this search made me extremely nostalgic for my girlfriends that are scattered all over the country and the world at the moment (Roatan, Atlanta, San Francisco, New Orleans, Spain, etc.).    Probably because it’s something that we would laugh over and chalk up to my weird ability to become obsessed with certain things that most people save precious brain cells not bothering to think about.  For instance, while the Southerner and I were driving the other day the random thought popped into my head, “Would it be possible to murder someone by putting a poisonous substance on your suzy pie before you had sex with him or her without killing yourself in the process?” One of the reasons I love the Southerner as much as I do is that he didn’t even blink an eye when I blurted out this question.  He just answered me in medical jargon heavily laced with terms I will never understand and basically said “No, it’s not possible to douse your suzy pie with poison without inflicting serious damage to yourself.”  Damn, I thought I had come up with a really awesome murder plot for some future novelist.

Living in Montana has been an amazing experience but the one thing I miss the most are my girls. I want to go get drinks and talk shit about celebrities and saturated fat.  I want to hear more about a certain someone’s upcoming marriage party and another someone’s little baby that I refuse to touch when I visit Atlanta.  I want to tell you ladies about how my mom asked me if I wanted a necklace with a gold cross on it for my 30th birthday and I responded by saying “No way, the cross might burn me whenever it comes into contact with my skin.”  Poor mom keeps a tryin.

And oh my god, girls, do you know how many strippers have amazing blogs out there!!! A LOT.  My favorites list just increased by a hundred.  After many hours of research, I ended up concluding that the most commonly referred to stripper smell on the internet is some form of Victoria Secret body spray (sometimes Very Sexy, sometimes Heavenly Angels) mixed with baby lotion.  Apparently, that’s the secret ingredient.  Now, if I could just find a Victoria’s Secret in Kalispell…