Every day in New Zealand is a discovery of things I never thought possible. Today, I was indulging in my afternoon guilty pleasure, eating Oreo cookies while watching LA Ink, when this message suddenly replaced the image of someone getting a pirate tattoo:
What??? I haven’t even seen the Sun in two days! It lives across the street from me without so much as casting a ray in my direction and now it supposedly controls my ability to watch TLC? And could they possibly have made the message any scarier or biblical looking? God is mad at you for watching shitty television so he has sent down his giant fireball to impede your vision. Just another day in New Zealand.
Don’t be fooled – that is the EYE OF SAURON!!!! TURN OFF YOUR TV RIGHT NOW!!!