Last night watching my new favorite show: Man, Woman, Wild.

The Southerner: He doesn’t even know what he’s doing! He should have made some kind of spear, preferably with prongs.  That’s how I did it when I went frog hunting.

Me: Hold up. You used to go frog hunting? Is that a Southern thing?

The Southerner: Duuuh. You can always find a frog gig at the local K-Mart.

Me: A frog gig, of course.  For all the little serial killers in training.

(The sound of turkeys coming from the television.)

The Southerner: You’ve got to be kidding! Now he’s going to try and hunt a turkey in five minutes with a bow and arrow. Good luck!  Who would you bet on? Him with a bow and arrow or me with a nice heavy rock?

Me: Someone really just needs to give us our own show.

The Southerner: Yeah, except for after two days without food you wouldn’t be able to speak anymore and I would be responsible for entertaining all the viewers at home.

Me: What, by throwing rocks at turkeys? Then there’d be some guy on his couch pointing at the screen and muttering under his breath about that idiot with the rock.