Survival 101

Me: Do you think it’s weird that every time I drive over the Tampa Bay bridge I envision my car careening over the side of it? What I would do if all of sudden my car was sinking to the bottom of the ocean? Do you ever have that thought when you’re driving over the bridge?

Southerner: Umm.  Not really.  You’d be knocked unconscious so it wouldn’t really be up to you at that point.  So there’s no point in worrying about it.

Me: But what if I wasn’t? For Christmas, I want one of those emergency glass kits that cut a hole in the window of the car just in case. Or maybe I should just try to pop the trunk and swim out that way.

Southerner: First of all, if you do, for some reason, find yourself in the middle of the ocean in your car you should take several deep breaths.  You should NOT try to swim out the trunk. That would just make the car fill up with water faster.  You should try to roll the window down and swim out that way.  But, like I said, you’d be unconscious and the likelihood of your car somehow flying over the side of the bridge is about one in a million so you really don’t need to worry about it anymore.

Me: Yeah, and even if I wasn’t unconscious the sharks would probably get to me before I could do anything anyway.

Southerner: Don’t you find it odd that every day you contemplate your car flying over the side of a bridge and being eaten alive by sharks, yet I can’t get you to wear a helmet when we go bike riding?

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