2012 appears to be the year of medical maladies. This morning, I had to have a procedure called a colposcopy. My gyno recommended the colposcopy after my annual visit a few weeks ago yielded abnormal pap smear results. A friend of mine likened getting a colposcopy to having your throat pinched through YOUR VAGINA. Yay! So, for the past few weeks I’ve been living in fear for my vagina and in fear of the big C. At least my New Year’s resolution to quit smoking got a hell of a lot easier.
For women who have to get a colposcopy and want to know what it’s like: it’s uncomfortable and makes you continually curse the fact that you were born a woman and this is your plight. Your gyno inserts a metal telescope into your crotch and looks around in there for what seems like a really long time. In my case, the doc also decided she needed to take a couple of biopsies around the cervix-area. These did not hurt at all. However, the doc demonstrated considerable surprise that I did not seem to be in any pain, so I guess it might be painful for other women. Then, I also needed an endocervical biopsy (because I’m extra fucking special) which was like having someone rake the leaves inside your vagina.
Overall, the colposcopy is uncomfortable but not especially painful. If you have to have one and your scared, feel free to contact me with questions. I highly recommend going to McDonald’s for a Big Mac immediately following your visit. It will make you and your vagina feel much better.
Results in on Friday. Please think good thoughts for me.