Category Archives: Awkward Conversations
Conversation with Dad
Me: Yesterday was the Southerner’s and my anniversary. Dad: Oh, that’s nice. Were you celebrating the first day you guys met? Me: No, it was the first day we said we loved each other. Dad: Did you just say the first time you … Continue reading
Momversation
Me: The more I talk to people, the less I want to. Mom: That comes from your father’s side of the family, not mine. That’s why you guys have no friends. You’re not normal. Why don’t you go to … Continue reading
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Family Dinner
At dinner with dad and Brother J: Dad: I mean, you and I are good looking, don’t get me wrong. But your brother, he has celebrity star looks. He should have been in the movies. Me: What are you trying to … Continue reading
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Forgive me, men
Things you never want to hear at the gynecologist’s office: 1. Your doctor motions to the nurse in the room and shouts, “Whoa! Come take a look at this!” 2. Followed up by, “You win the yeast infection of the … Continue reading
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A very good weekend
Transcript of a conversation I had with my brother, J, on Sunday: J: Dude, I can’t believe I’m almost thirty and I’m sleeping on the floor of my room because my mattress sucks so badly that both ends of it lift up when … Continue reading
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A Series of Awkward Conversations, Act III.
Sitting on a bench with my mother in a courthouse waiting for my lawyer the day I got divorced: Mom: You know you’re my little angel, right? Me: Yes, mom. Thanks. (I have been silently repeating the words Keep it … Continue reading
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A Series of Awkward Conversations in Two Acts
Act I. Last year at the deli across the street from my office where I am friendly with the Hispanic guys who work behind the counter: Deli guys (in Spanish): Hola, how are you today? How’s your husband? Me: Good. … Continue reading
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Queen of the Savages 